REvelations

I find that I am currently going thruough this depressed phase, if you asked my bestfriend however he'd tell u that I've been going through the same depressed phase since May; I am only now accepting it. I expect to much from people and as a result I am extremely disappointed when (not "if", when) they don't live up to those expectations. Also I keep telling people that the reason I don't return their calls or don't call them anymore is because i don't put any faith in friendships anymore and therefore i dont go out of my way to talk to people or make people happy anymore, when the truth actually is that all my friends seem to become my enemies and i dont want to run the risk of loosing anymore friendships or i should say forming anymore enemies so i avoid them. It's alot easier on my conscience to have people consider me an old friend than them thinking of me as someone they hate.

One other thing that I have begun to accept is that when i look back at all my friendships that have gone sour, the constant factor in all of them is....me. Therefore it can't b that all of these people are horrible people by chance, it has to b that I'm that horrible person that is ever constant.